The God in me Greets the God In You

By Rose Whaley. I am sure you know the newsletter will be discontinued January 1999.  I have experienced so much and would love to share them all with you. But I will share this one and try to keep it short.  I feel this one is important and profound.  There were so many opportunities for me to learn and grow.  There was an awakening.  This experience challenged everything I thought I knew, understood and believed.  So bear with me.

In July of 1994 I discovered that I was pregnant, knowing my mate and I did not want to have a child, I knew we were not going to be together much longer.  The relationship had ran it's course.  We were just learning how to let go.  I did not want to have the baby for many reasons and could not consent to having an abortion.

So I went into a state of denial, all of my old false beliefs came into play.  I was afraid that God would punish me, confused and full of self doubt.  I have heard all my life religious people talking about when you die and go to hell, but I knew better because I had experienced being in hell many times before and here I was again (hell is a state of consciousness).  I felt so afraid I could not share it with no one.  I am not saying abortion is right or wrong, because I have had several in my life time.  I just could not make that decision at that time in my life.  I thought I was in a higher level of consciousness, but the experience took me to a greater level of understanding, of who I was and a greater truth.

I have to raise my consciousness before I could change it.  For about seven weeks I lied to myself and to my son Cliff at tat time was 22, when he hugged me around the stomach and said I felt pregnant, I was about four weeks than.  I told him he was crazy. Ha!

I had so many excuses for everything.  I told myself I was going through the change of life.  That's why my menstruate cycle and breast were going trough changes, yes, right, ok.

By the middle of August, I just could not continue going though the hell, I decided to set in mediation and surrender to the God within me and just trust.  Going inside is so wonderful, the peace, love, and comfort, you just know everything is alright.  Fifteen minutes after meditating I started having bad cramps, pain and was bleeding.  At first I  was afraid and happy at the same time.  I never experienced a miscarriage.  But I knew it was happening and it was alright.  The God within understood what I was going through.  She still love me.  I never told anyone what was happening.  I walked to Union hospital.  When I reached there I was back in denial.  I told them I had no idea what was wrong with me.  (I could not believed what I was saying.)

They did several tests and then a Sonogram.  The nurse who brought me down was smiling and said I was going to me a mommy.  I was happy and sad again.  I thought it was over and my pray was answered.  So I relaxed without resistance again.  Then the doctor came down and said he was sorry they could not save the fetus.  Around ten o'clock that night I called my mate, told him I was in the hospital and I had to stay over night, because the doctors had to do a scrapping because I lost the baby.  He was angry because I did not tell him anything.  He  said what baby, hum!

When the nurse took me up for the procedure, just before I was given the anesthesia I was so afraid again, old belief pattern set in.  I believed this was the way God would punish me.  I would not wake up from the anesthesia (hell again!).  At that moment God's presence filled the room.  I felt noting but unconditional love and peace.  In her loving soft voice she said. "I understand and you are alright).  When I woke up it was all over.  I felt sad.  I missed the spirit I was carrying. God spoke again, "don't worry you have not lost this spirit.  The baby was a girl, who will have her in this lifetime.  For the future I plan to adopt some homeless children maybe than I will meet her I will know she is that spirit.

I had learned since ten no one can kill a spirit, I have the power within myself and God will help me through all things if I just learn to trust her.  Know God for Yourself she is awesome.

I want to Thank everyone at Union Hospital.  That day God sent out all the Angels to be with me.  There is nothing to hard for God!   GOD LOVE US!!!

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